Pregnancy Update--The Glucose Debacle continued

So as promised here I am updating about the very important diabetes and pregnancy class I had today...yeah now keep in mind that I am the type of person that does extensive research on whatever issue I have before I go meet with a health care professional just so I know what we're talking about and what questions to ask. I always tell people "you know A-type personalities? I'm A++ type so whatever instructions you give me make sure it's really what you want me to do because I WILL go overboard" so having said that...the class didn't really help me much. She basically gave me some handouts of the "diet" they recommend (I'll post a PDF of them a little later on so you can see the incredible detail they go into) and it turns out I eat better than that except for the fact that I did allow myself treats like candy and ice cream on occassion....OK I'll admit it, I was addicted to Bryer's Natural Fruit pops!!! And now I'm having withdrawals...but I'll survive with really cold (I might stick them in the freezer even) strawberries. I did find out that I'm not eating enough and I'm letting too much time pass between meals. So I definitely have to get on that. I'm supposed to eat something (not necessarily a big something an apple, handful of grapes and two little cubes of cheese, etc) every 2.5 hours and eat 3 meals a day she said it was ok to have a small breakfast, and medium sized lunch and dinner so I can live with that. She also told me not to worry if my blood sugar was very high the first few times I took it because it was totally normal, the idea is that as I follow the new restrictions my blood sugar will level out and stay under control. The tought of seeing my blood sugar above normal scared me even if it was normal. It's ridiculous how easily stressed I get over my health...which we all know is NOT good for you! And yet, I can't help it. It's like I'm permanently spooked, I hate it!
When we were done talking our very short talk about diet, she showed me how to use the monitor and I was on my way with handouts and a new blood sugar monitor. Basically the way it works is when you wake up you take your blood sugar--this measurement you want to be <90 mg/dl; then one hour after every big meal (breakfast, lunch, dinner) you do it again--your blood sugar should be <140mg/dl; then at bedtime you do it one more time aiming for a blood sugar of <120 mg/dl. I'm hoping to control my blood sugar with diet and exercise only but if my blood sugars can't stay under control then, the next step is to take some form of oral medicine, and the step after that would be insulin shots and the very last resort would be giving birth. Lucky for me they want 20 mins of walking 3 days a week and I do 30 mins of walking at least 3-5 times a week and I already follow a low sodium, low fat, low cholesterol diet which means all I have to do is keep eating my whole grains whenever applicable and stop eating sweets and because I'm only borderline it should be attainable. The only concern is if I can keep it up b/c as the pregnancy progresses, so does the sugar production and the insulin blocking courtecy of the plasenta so we'll have to see how it goes, if towards the end I have to stop eating bread and pasta all together I can definitely do it...I don't like it but I can do it.
So after my "class" I got to go to the hospital and pre-register! I was glad I had scheduled this for today because it lifted my spirits and distracted me from the whole diabetes thing. For those of you who have never done it, it's just a quick way of telling the hospital "I'm going to deliver here" they ask you if you have a pediatrician of preference or if you want to use the oncall pediatrician and register all your personal and insurance information as well as emergency contact information. It's a quick and painless process but it sure leaves you feeling one step closer to getting to hold your little one :).
I then proceeded to go buy some low carb cookbooks because I can always use new ideas. I ended up buying Healthy Calendar Diabetic Cooking by the American Diabetes Association's Lara Rondinelli, RD, LDN, CDE and Chef Jennifer Bucko and The Balanced Plate by Renee Loux...which the last one isn't for diabetics, it's more of a wholistic living book with really good healthy (and some even exotic) recipes. The book from the ADA is really cool because it gives you 5 night's worth of recipe's per week with seasonal ingredients, the only thing PPCM patients have to think about is sodium and fat content, but to my delight most recipes work as written (which is very rare from my experience!!) and they even include 1 desert option per month for those special occassions! So I definitely can't wait to try out some new recipes!
Afterwards, we went grocery shopping and came home to eat lunch. And my nerves betrayed me yet again, I felt myself tense up as I was preparing my food making sure to measure everything and even felt a little thrill as I got to have a slice of whole wheat bread with my meal (yes I got to keep bread :D in moderation of course). We ate lunch and then it was time to wait the hour to see what my blood sugar would do. Unfortunately my beloved hubs had to leave to work so he didn't wait with me which just added to my stress. After the hour I tested...and got an error message, I hadn't bled enough! So I retested and finally got a number! I kept thinking to myself the entire hour "it's going to be high but it's normal" over and over so I peeked at the number and it was....
....
....
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a 99!?!? Totally normal, I'm not gonna lie I was a little confused, and strangely somewhat disapointed, why would it give me a number well below the number they had given me? Was this why I had been stressing myself out about for the past 2.5 days for?!?!? GRRRRRRRR!!! I found myself incredibly frustrated. Both my gut and my mom told me that I didn't really need to stress, that my sugar levels would be fine if I just took out some of the starchier foods (like potatos and corn) and get rid of sweets all together and yet I had still stressed myself out (as if I wasn't under enough stress!!). Once again I found myself frustrated and somewhat angry with myself but this time instead of beating myself up about it I've decided to just do what my initial reaction had been. I need to stop questioning myself when it comes to my diet and exercise routine because I am doing what I'm supposed to be doing!!! I just need to believe in myself more.

So lesson to be learned from this leg in the journey?
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!! It will eliminate so much stress in your life! If you are doing what you're supposed to be doing there is not much else you can do, so just chill and let things work themselves out. And don't be afraid of letting emotions show, I've been bottling up so much anger, frustration, fright in the past few weeks that it's finally all started to come out and because I'm crazy hormonal it comes out in one of two ways, I either cry for whatever reason (what we're out of apples? *cry like a baby*) or I lash out at my poor husband for the stupidest things (ME:why did you unplug my phone and started charging yours??? >:( HIM: Because I have to go to work and I don't want it to die??? :S ME: Oh! Of course how dumb of me...sorry! *blush* HIM: *confused and wary look*)and either way you won't be a joy to be around!

Given that we're now officially starting the last trimester *cheers all around!!* I'll be updating more often because I've been horrible about doing it! So until next time!

M