Here's what to expect...I probably...no I will still update but probably only once every six months or so...I know not much better than now LOL! My hopes is that this blog helps PPCM moms that haven't found A Mother's Heart yet to know that they are not alone and that, with the right treatment and under the right circumstances, more children are possible. So If you're a mom that just had a baby and went into heart failure...YOU PROBABLY HAVE PPCM!!! Email me, Facebook me, or go to A Mother's Heart you're not alone in this fight...and there's no reason you should be!!
Here's to good health and happiness!
M.
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
Friday, February 11, 2011
Sorry I know it's been forever but here's the conclusion of my birth story!
OK First I want to share a poem that one of my friends shared with me and it's beautiful and it will speak to anyone who's had it rough but especially to mommies of angels like me....
"A Pair of Shoes"
Author Unknown
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
OK, now that we've all had a good cry on with the rest of the story...
So On the last post I told you that my little man had ended up in the NICU because of a blood sugar spike...well he stayed for the 10 LONGEST DAYS OF MY LIFE!!! The blood sugar thing was taken care of as soon as they realized that he hadn't eaten a proper meal...YAY MODERN MEDICINE! :P But as it's common with many babies born between 34 and 36 weeks he got jaundice the next day...bad! So they put him in the baby tanning booth under bili lights and we fed and fed the little guy. My doctor was kind enough to let me stay a couple of more days in the hospital but I still ended up having to leave the hospital without my baby...again. And the prospect of it was terrifying, I was afraid that I would have a panic attack or some horrifying flashback the minute we left without him. However, I kept telling myself that it wasn't permanent that this time we were going home with a baby...sooner or later.
Now I don't know if you remember, but I delivered an hour and a half away from my house. And I wasn't about to leave the city without my baby, so my hubs and I jumped around from hotel to hotel as our budget allowed it and eventually ended up at a guest house for military families with people in the hospital. It's called The Fisher House and it's an amazing organization and it was a true blessing for us because we knew that there we could wait for our baby to get healthy as long as we needed to without worrying about getting into a tremendous amount of debt. Luckily the day after we got there our baby was released so we took our little miracle home and begun our happily ever after :D.
It's been 6 whole months now! And he is doing GREAT!! Luckily so am I! I've been slowly weaning off the heart meds and will hopefully be drug free next month! There's still a big hole in our family where our angel baby should be, but I guess that's a whole that will always be filled with the spirit of our angel.
So what can I say about my trip down Mommy Lane???
It's been a wild, crazy, scary, tough, thrilling, happy, sad, wonderfully psychotic ride! Would I do it ALL over again? Even with the same outcomes??? ABSOLUTELY!!! My little angel baby gave us so much! It's unexplainable the gratitude I have that God gave me her...even if it was for a little while. And now my son has made us deliriously happy!!!
But what am I talking about!!! My journey is not over because now the tough part begins I have to raise the miracle we've created! And I can tell you know he's going to be a handful!...wait he already IS a handful! LOL But I guess that's just another chapter in my trip down mommy lane...:)
"A Pair of Shoes"
Author Unknown
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
OK, now that we've all had a good cry on with the rest of the story...
So On the last post I told you that my little man had ended up in the NICU because of a blood sugar spike...well he stayed for the 10 LONGEST DAYS OF MY LIFE!!! The blood sugar thing was taken care of as soon as they realized that he hadn't eaten a proper meal...YAY MODERN MEDICINE! :P But as it's common with many babies born between 34 and 36 weeks he got jaundice the next day...bad! So they put him in the baby tanning booth under bili lights and we fed and fed the little guy. My doctor was kind enough to let me stay a couple of more days in the hospital but I still ended up having to leave the hospital without my baby...again. And the prospect of it was terrifying, I was afraid that I would have a panic attack or some horrifying flashback the minute we left without him. However, I kept telling myself that it wasn't permanent that this time we were going home with a baby...sooner or later.
Now I don't know if you remember, but I delivered an hour and a half away from my house. And I wasn't about to leave the city without my baby, so my hubs and I jumped around from hotel to hotel as our budget allowed it and eventually ended up at a guest house for military families with people in the hospital. It's called The Fisher House and it's an amazing organization and it was a true blessing for us because we knew that there we could wait for our baby to get healthy as long as we needed to without worrying about getting into a tremendous amount of debt. Luckily the day after we got there our baby was released so we took our little miracle home and begun our happily ever after :D.
It's been 6 whole months now! And he is doing GREAT!! Luckily so am I! I've been slowly weaning off the heart meds and will hopefully be drug free next month! There's still a big hole in our family where our angel baby should be, but I guess that's a whole that will always be filled with the spirit of our angel.
So what can I say about my trip down Mommy Lane???
It's been a wild, crazy, scary, tough, thrilling, happy, sad, wonderfully psychotic ride! Would I do it ALL over again? Even with the same outcomes??? ABSOLUTELY!!! My little angel baby gave us so much! It's unexplainable the gratitude I have that God gave me her...even if it was for a little while. And now my son has made us deliriously happy!!!
But what am I talking about!!! My journey is not over because now the tough part begins I have to raise the miracle we've created! And I can tell you know he's going to be a handful!...wait he already IS a handful! LOL But I guess that's just another chapter in my trip down mommy lane...:)
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